As we step into the month of October and embrace the Halloween spirit, we often find ourselves seeking the thrill of fear through spooky movies, haunted houses, and eerie costumes. It’s a season where we voluntarily choose to experience fear for the excitement it brings. But for those of us supporting a loved one living with a mental health diagnosis, fear can be an unwelcome constant companion in our lives.

The Origin of Fear: Our Thoughts

Where does this feeling of fear comes from? Contrary to what you might think, fear, like all our emotions, originates in our thoughts. In understanding how our thoughts create emotions, which, in turn, guide our actions, it can be a powerful tool in dealing with the overwhelming fear we sometimes face.

Fearful Thoughts in the Shadows

For those who support loved ones living with mental health diagnoses, our minds can become a battleground for fearful thoughts:

  • My loved one isn’t safe.
  • They may choose to end their life.
  • My loved one can’t hold down a job.
  • They might physically hurt me or someone else.
  • They won’t take their meds.
  • My loved one isn’t going to live the life I think they should have for themselves.

Fear also seeps into our own lives, casting its ominous shadow with thoughts like:

  • I might fail.
  • They might not like me.
  • I can’t do this.

Taming the Fear Within

So, how do we manage and ultimately diminish the fear that threatens to consume us? The journey begins with becoming aware of our thoughts and critically assessing whether these thoughts truly serve us and our loved ones.

Let’s take a closer look at one of those recurring thoughts: “They need to take their meds.”

Question: Why am I having this thought?

Answer: Because their doctor said medications are essential in managing mental illness.

But now, let’s dig deeper.

Does having the thought “they need to take their meds” support my loved one?

Surprisingly, the answer is NO. Why? Because you cannot control someone else’s actions and behaviors. You can only control your own. Your thought that they need to take their meds isn’t going to make them do it. It’s a difficult reality to accept, but preserving your well-being is essential.

The Path Forward

To lessen fear, we must actively choose thoughts that empower us and align with our values. Instead of dwelling on what we cannot control, we can shift our focus to what we can influence:

  1. “My loved one is making progress.” Instead of fixating on setbacks, focus on the small achievements and milestone they reach on their journey to wellness.
  2. “I can learn more about their mental illness and how to support them effectively.” Embrace the opportunity to educate yourself about mental health, gaining valuable insights to assist your loved one more empathetically.
  3. “I can handle the challenges that come my way.” Affirm your own strength and capacity to navigate difficult situations, fostering self-confidence in your role as a support system.
  4. “Seeking help is a sign of strength, and I’m doing what is best for both of us.” Recognize that reaching out for your own emotional support is a positive step toward bettering your ability to help your loved one.
  5. “I am deserving of self-care and self-compassion.” Prioritize your mental and physical well-being, replacing self-criticism with self-compassionate thoughts that promote overall health.
  6. “I can engage in open, non-judgmental conversations with my loved one.” Encourage open dialogue about their experiences and feelings, fostering a safe space for them to share their struggle and triumphs.
  7. “Each day is a new opportunity for growth and connection.” Embrace the present moment, viewing each day as a fresh change to strengthen your relationship and support network.
  8. “I am not alone in this journey; there are resources and communities that can help.” Seek out support groups, life coaching (like yougrowyou.life), therapy or online communities where you can connect with others who share similar experiences.
  9. Setbacks are a natural.” Understand that setbacks are not failures but rather opportunities for growth and adjustment on the path to recovery.
  10. “I believe my loved one’s ability to overcome challenges.” Maintain faith in their ability to overcome challenges and build a fulfilling life despite their mental health diagnosis.

In this season of fear, let us acknowledge that fear is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to dominate our existence.

By recognizing the power of our thoughts and consciously choosing ones that serve us and our loved ones, we can confront fear with resilience, compassion, and a newfound sense of strength

Together, we can transform fear into a force that propels us forward in our journey alongside those we love, celebrating each small victory along the way. In the end, it’s not about banishing fear but rather harnessing it to create a brighter, more hopeful future for all.

I founded You Grow You because I wanted to help others who have a loved one living with a mental health diagnosis.

Working together, I help you lessen your feelings of fear, doubt, uncertainty, and worry

Build a foundation of self-care without guilt

Continue fostering other relationships and pursuing your dreams and goals without feeling selfish.

SUPPORT STARTS WITH LOVING AND CARING FOR YOU!